Christmas is 7 days away, which means 2021 is just around the corner. What a year this has been, right? I feel like the pandemic allowed for time to fly by ever so swiftly. *update for 2024 coming soon!
I created this guide right before the start of the new year because we all could use a jump start. Many of you might be catching up on holiday madness and that's OK too! Come back to this post when you're ready.
Why do I need to love myself?
You need to fill your cup up first before you can fill anyone else's cup.
Self-love is about reflection. You're taking the time to figure out what is causing you to feel certain emotions. It could be something someone else has done or said. It could be an event that has transformed into a trauma that repeats in your head. It even could be the way you perceive your body because the mommy bloggers on Instagram look so g-d perfect! Whatever the case, one of my mentors Nathalie Croix says,
"Come back to yourself."
1. Refuel your mind with positivity. BE KIND TO YOUR SOUL
Mantras are powerful. When you have a free moment (that's an understatement btw) repeat this mantra: "I am beautifully unique."
I admit it has taken me a very long time to be comfortable in my own skin. There was a point in my life when I felt like I wasn't "skinny" enough! My view on beauty was disturbingly skewed so much so that I under appreciated every unique aspect of my body.
Don't fall victim to the comparison trap as I did. The people who graced the covers and pages of various woman's magazines made me believe that I had to look like that in order to be deemed beautiful. In reality, the "models" are only one person's perception of beauty. Realize that you are a beautiful creature on the inside and out and let that be known to the world. You might be sporting yoga pants and walk around sans make-up, but ddddannng girl... You are the sh*t!!!
2. What are your NON-NEGOTIABLES
I'm big on list-making. Can you tell?
Make a list of the things you absolutely have to do. Next, make a list of 5 things that you would like to do.
Every day try to fit at least one of the 5 things into your daily life. This list can and probably will evolve over time, but make it a goal to keep adding more of the things you want to do into the "to-do" list. Eventually, many of the "like to do" items will become non-negotiables. I have to put a disclaimer on this one though....
Sometimes, in order to make the lists work you need to make sacrifices. Like the next item below
2. Give social media a TIME OUT
For the moms who are part-time vbloggers, bloggers, and use social media as a marketing tool - I salute you!
I know it works and I know how much time and effort is put into recording, planning and, scheduling it all. There was a point in time where I felt like I had to post and engage with my audience every single day. As a mom, this is doable but very time-consuming. It honestly caused a butt load of unneeded stress.
The solution?
I took a break *everyone gasps at the same time*
I am in the business of serving people and I would be doing a major disservice if I told you to continue on a path of destruction. It is perfectly OK to lay low from the 'gram. Facebook won't be going anywhere either. Those tweets will probably repeat themselves at a later time.
Once I took time away from social media, I realized how much it freed up for me to accomplish things on my to-do list. I engaged more fully with my kids and gained a few new clients using some good ol' networking skills. Don't take my word for it. See how much you get done by shaving a couple of hours off of your social media clock.
3. Get off your butt and GO OUTSIDE
Being in nature can be healing. Plus, allowing your body to absorb vitamin D directly from the sun aids in producing sufficient amounts of calcium needed to maintain and build strong bones. Also, trees intake the carbon dioxide we breathe out and create nutrients for all other microorganisms that they are connected to.
You don't have to go far, just sit in your backyard or front porch. It also doesn't need to be for long periods of time. A few minutes a day for some fresh air does wonders.
4. Create HEALTHY HABITS
I get it, you're tired, the kids are crazy (and are still being home-schooled), and you have housework to do. But remember, you're a role model, and creating healthy habits begins with the parents. Cliche? Bear with me, there's more to it.
1.14 Practice becomes firmly rooted when it is done with great enthusiasm, over a long period of time, without interruption. (1)
This quote comes from the first chapter of Patanjali's Yoga Sutras. I added this here because a common misconception when starting any new routine is wanting immediate results. With anything, results show with time and dedication.
Make goals. Start small. Forming habits needs to be easy, or else you won't continue on the path.
5. Cultivate COMPASSION & JOY
This is pretty self explanatory. No commentary from me!
1.33 Consciousness settles as one cultivates friendliness, compassion, joy, and equanimity toward all things, whether pleasant or painful, good or bad. (1)
"In daily life, we see people around who are happier than we are, people who are less happy. Some may be doing praiseworthy things and others causing problems. Whatever may be our usual attitude toward such people and their actions, if we can be pleased with others who are happier than ourselves, compassionate toward those who are unhappy, joyful with those doing praiseworthy things, and remain undisturbed by the errors of others, our mind will be very tranquil. " (2)
6. When all else fails, revert to SELF-CARE
There's nothing more satisfying than taking care of yourself. Enough said?
If you're drawing a blank on this one, find some inspiration here
7. Start a JOURNAL
There are so many reasons why journaling can help you to cultivate self-love. You'll discover that words planted on paper or typed on an electronic device mean something. If you're stuck on how to begin a journaling practice, check out thispost
8. Get some REST
As a mom, let alone a parent, we get very little rest. I cannot tell you how many times I've stayed up late to finish a blog post, book, or TV series!
Instead of getting sucked into the latest book or show, I've decided to listen to my body. There is a little window of time that I give myself every night to recharge and relax. I suggest you find something that gives you peace (no electronics please!) and do that right before bed.
Some ideas:
- Writing about your day in a journal
- Yoga Nidra
- Listening to soothing music
- Relax with essential oils
- Take a bath
Practice and all will come
-Jois
Like most things, self-love takes practice and time. Continue to be mindful of your words and how they affect not only the one's around you, but yourself. Reflect, learn from your past mistakes. Let go of the negativity and give your soul room for abundance and love.
References
- The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali
- The Heart of Yoga - T.K.V Desikachar
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